What Should Parents Do While ABA Therapy is Happening?

The world of applied behavior analysis can be a strange one if you are new to it- and I say that as a practitioner of applied behavior analysis. Your child gets a new diagnosis, maybe autism or ADHD, and suddenly a healthcare professional is telling you they need 15 hours of therapy a week, and half of those sessions are going to take place in your house. Your gut reaction is probably, “In my house? Are they serious?” And they are quite serious, so the schedule is set, and you spend the next few weeks until services start frantically vacuuming under the furniture and wondering what it will be like: “Do I just sit here and watch them? Do I leave the room? Should I have coffee and snacks ready?”

All of these reactions are justified and completely valid, but as an ABA professional, I would like to offer parents who are new to ABA a sense of relief regarding in-home therapy sessions. In this article, we will address the options parents have during in-home sessions, what your participation in sessions may look like, and a few dos and don’ts when it comes to having ABA support in your home. 

The first thing I want parents to know is that there is no single “correct” way to spend those hours. Your role will depend on your child, their treatment plan, their relationship with their therapist, and what the therapist is working on that day. Some sessions may involve a lot of parent participation. Other sessions may involve almost none. Both can be perfectly appropriate. 

This can be confusing because parents sometimes assume that if they aren’t actively participating, they aren’t doing enough. That’s not necessarily true. ABA sessions are designed around your child’s individual needs, and there may be days when the therapist needs your involvement and days when your involvement would actually make it harder for your child to practice a particular skill independently. None of these things hide the fact that having healthcare professionals in your space can be just plain awkward. Your role in therapy will shift depending on the day. Sometimes the best thing you can do is participate completely; other times, the best thing you can do is hide in your bedroom and take a well-deserved nap. Either way, it will never get more comfortable unless you talk about it.

The Observation Option (Watching and Learning)

The first option for parents during in-home therapy sessions is to simply watch the session and take mental (or literal!) notes on how the therapist responds to your child. This can be especially helpful during the beginning of services when everything feels new, and you are trying to understand what ABA actually looks like. You may see the therapist use prompts, reinforcement, redirection, visual supports, or other strategies that you have never used before. Watching allows you to see these strategies in action without immediately putting yourself in the position of having to perform them.

You may also learn things about your child that you did not realize before. Maybe you notice that your child responds better when given a few extra seconds to answer a question. Maybe you notice that a certain type of praise is particularly motivating. Maybe you realize that something you have been doing at home unintentionally makes a difficult situation harder.

For this option, keep a few things in mind:

• Sit far enough away that your child understands the therapist is running the session.
• Sit close enough to clearly see and hear the strategies the therapist uses.
• Keep a notebook nearby for specific phrases the therapist uses or questions you have about the therapist’s technique.
• Resist the urge to jump in every time your child looks toward you.
• Save questions for an appropriate break in the session rather than interrupting an interaction that is already underway.

You also do not have to understand everything you see immediately. ABA can involve a lot of terminology and very specific procedures. If you see something that makes you think, “Why did they do that?” write it down and ask later. Observation is not about becoming your child’s therapist. It’s about learning enough about the strategies being used that you can understand what your child is working on and recognize progress when you see it.

The “Get Your Life Back” Option (Tackling Your Own Tasks)

This is the option that parents usually need the most encouragement to do. You do not need to play host when an ABA therapist is in your home. Therapists do not expect you to entertain them, participate, or observe every second of every session. Depending on your child and their unique program, you may not be needed at all during their in-home sessions and will have completely separate parent training sessions. This is the perfect window to cook dinner, catch up on remote work, do laundry, or spend one-on-one time with your other children.

The best part about taking this time to accomplish what you need to do for your household is that it is great for your child to practice focusing on their new skills while the normal flow of your home is happening around them. One of the advantages of in-home therapy is that your child gets to practice skills in the environment where they actually live. Real life does not stop because therapy has started. The laundry still needs to be folded. Your other children will still need attention. Dinner still needs to be made. The dog may bark, the doorbell may ring, and somebody may inevitably ask where their shoes are. Those everyday distractions are part of your child’s natural environment.

The goal is not for your child to perform perfectly in a completely controlled therapy bubble. The goal is to help them develop skills they can eventually use in real life. Allowing the normal flow of your household to continue can provide valuable opportunities for your child to practice those skills.

Parent Training (Active Collaboration)

Parent training is the most hands-on role you will play when it comes to the options we’ve discussed. A portion of the ABA hours that your insurance company approves is set aside for the therapist or supervisor (it will usually be a Board Certified Behavior Analyst) to coach you. This is when you step in to run a specific target while the therapist coaches you through the steps, helping you build confidence. Parent training is an extremely important part of ABA therapy because you won’t always have a therapist around to support your child. A therapist can teach your child to request a break during therapy, but you are the person who will need to help them use that skill at the dinner table, in the car, or at the grocery store.

Each ABA professional you work with will have a different style of training parents, but it will most likely involve some combination of giving you instructions, modeling what they want you to do, letting you do it, and delivering feedback. We call this method behavioral skills training, and it’s an extremely effective way to teach new skills. Remember, feedback is not criticism. If the therapist says, “Try giving the instruction this way,” it does not mean you did something wrong. It means they are helping you figure out what works best for your child.

The Quick Cheat Sheet: Dos and Don’ts

There is one don’t I would really like to emphasize: don’t feel like you have to fix every difficult moment. If your child is struggling during a therapy session, your instinct may be to jump in because you know your child better than anyone. That instinct is understandable. However, if the therapist is actively working through a particular situation, stepping in can unintentionally change the behavioral change technique they are using. That does not mean you should ignore your child or sit silently if you are concerned. It means you should establish with your therapist when they want you to participate and when they want you to let them handle the situation independently.

Setting Expectations: Finding the Balance

High-quality ABA providers will help you navigate the discomfort that can accompany in-home therapy sessions, but it will take time and effort from both parties to make it work. A necessary piece is thorough communication. A simple conversation might sound like, “I’m going to work in my bedroom today, but I’ll keep my phone nearby if you need me,” or “I’d like to observe today because I want to learn how you’re handling this new skill.” Those few minutes of communication can prevent a lot of uncertainty on both sides. The therapist is entering your home, but they are also entering a family system that already existed before they arrived. The goal should be to make therapy fit into your household as naturally as possible.

In the first few weeks, your involvement may look different than it will look long-term. Some children will need their parents to be more present to feel secure with a new therapist, while others will need you to be out of sight, out of mind. The important thing is to establish boundaries early. If you need to work during therapy, say so. If you want to observe, tell the therapist. If you are uncomfortable with a strategy, speak up. If your child seems to respond differently when you are in the room, ask questions.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the most important thing to remember during in-home therapy is that it is a partnership. While your child’s ABA team may be the professional side of the relationship, your input and communication are just as (if not more) important. If something is working well, call it out. If you feel uneasy with a situation, and it’s more than just the awkwardness of a new dynamic in your home, you should always feel comfortable vocalizing your concerns. 

And if you need to spend an entire two-hour session folding laundry while someone else works with your child? That’s okay, too. You do not have to be the “perfect” ABA parent, sit beside your child every minute, know every ABA term, or understand every strategy immediately. Your job is to communicate, participate when you are needed, ask questions when you are unsure, and make sure the therapy being provided actually works for your child and your family. The ABA practitioner may deliver the therapy, but you are still an important part of the team. Sometimes being a good part of that team means knowing when to step in and when to step out.

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